A Year with You

[1st Birthday Letter]

Nolan, 

I planned for you as much as one can plan to have a baby. I prayed for you long before you existed. I wanted you more than you can ever know. 

Planning for you didn't necessarily prepare me for you though, because I was not prepared for the love that would swell in my heart and consume me once you'd been birthed into this world.

Since loving you, it really is unimaginable to remember how I ever lived without you. You have completed me, you have filled a void I didn't even know existed. 

Looking into your tiny face those first few days made me feel very unworthy. I was unworthy of this blessing that God had sent to us.

Understanding that, made me strongly want to raise you in a way that glorified our savior, because He had chosen me to be your mom. 

I hope that I can teach you as much about love as you've taught me, because the endless mercy of God's love and grace is what gives us life. No matter the darker sides of this Earth, always remember those truths.

Every single day of your existence you've showed me goodness. You've brought with you a wealth of miracles that don't seem grand so they don't receive a lot of attention, but they've played large roles in the way that I perceive happiness. 

You've given me a new kind of faith, you've seeded a joy in my life that has taken root in my heart, you've given me a fresh vision filled with possibilities for a future I couldn't imagine before you. 

The very best days of my life thus far, are some of these days I've spent at home with you. Being your mom must be my greatest accomplishment in life, because I can't think of anything else that compares.

I'm eager for the years that are stretched out before us, eager to watch you learn and grow, eager to teach you right from wrong, eager to help influence the man that you will become, eager to be your mother.

So on your first birthday, I'd most like you to know that you brought a love into my life that changed the way I define the emotion, and opened my eyes to a better understanding of the love that God has for us.

This first year has been full of challenges and hardships too, but mostly an overwhelming happiness.

Let's not speed through these other years, Son, because it's true what us parents say... you'll always be my baby.

Happy Birthday my Lovebug.

-Mommy