The Decision

**This Post was written on September 30, 2011, but I hadn't created this blog yet**

At some point in August of the year 2002, I met the love of my life. I just didn’t know it at the time. After a few months of relentlessly trying to get me to date him, waking up in a hospital bed to this boy sitting on the edge of it, holding my hand caused me to cave and give him a chance. That was on October 22, 2002.

Three years and seven months later on May 27, 2006 I married that man. I was very young. Only 18-years-old. I’m pretty sure everyone thought I was pregnant.

The really comical part was when we reached our 5 year anniversary mark, because people would ask if I were married and if so for how long. So when I answered yes and for 5 years, you could see them working out the mental math for how old I must’ve been when I got married.

The next question, inevitably, was always, “Do you have kids?”

Some part of me always felt like that was slightly insulting. I mean, having received my college education and all of my work experience in the field of social services, I shouldn’t have been shocked by their implications. People aren’t always smart.

I have always wanted kids. I guess that’s a silly statement because a lot of women say it. But, I really have. Even when I got married at 18-years-old and knew that I wouldn’t have kids right away a part of me still wanted to.

However, I had priorities and goals and ambition. As well as my husband. Especially my husband [insert adoring husband comment here].

And even though we both went to college and got our degrees and worked, people always bugged us about having kids – from day one. I use to think, “Why can’t they just be happy that we’ve done things right?”

We talked about when we’d have kids all the time. A lot. I brought it up all the time, so it couldn’t really be ignored ;)’

Not so much in a I-want-to-have-babies way (even though I did), but more in a just when-are-we-going-to-have-babies way.

I knew after graduating and building a more secure financial situation that it would eventually become a reality. And I’ll never forget when we had the serious conversation to answer the ‘when’ question.

5 years and 4 months after getting married, on September 30, 2011 we made our baby plan! ;)

We had a pretty in-depth conversation about it. We talked about our finances and our feelings and what we wanted from life and why we wanted to have a kid and – the big one – when we wanted to have a kid.

After a lot of talking and planning we decided that having a due date anytime around or after January 2013 was when we’d be ‘ready.’

We had finally decided! From that decision I worked out when I’d like my baby to be born. Yeah, I know, riiight? Seriously, I worked it out down to the months that were optimal for conceiving.

After we talked about it, I was in a weird state of disbelief. I couldn’t believe that after a million conversations on the topic that my husband had finally said he was ready to be a daddy. I couldn’t believe that after asking a million times, the ‘when’ question was finally answered. It was so precious and there was something about it that made me adore my husband even more.

I mean, he put so much effort into it. Even if he doesn’t think so. The fact that he is mature and responsible and that he has a good job and that he worked out all the financial things and that we got to take some fun vacations first… it’s just… awesome. He is awesome. I’m really really happy that he wasn’t one of those guys that was just like, “sure whatever.”

I know he thinks I put way too much meaning into all of it, but it all means so much to me. He is just truly a wonderful husband! Even when I get in one of those girl conversations when we all talk about our husbands and it seems inevitable that something negative comes up about other guys, I don't have anything negative to say about my husband. I mean, sure he drives me absolutely crazy sometimes - and I know that feeling is mutual - but, he's an amazing person and an even more amazing husband. I could never criticize that. Perhaps specific situations - lol - but never him as a husband. 

Also, there’s something about us not birthing a child until we’ve been married 6+ years and together 10+ years that I think is amazing. There’s nothing wrong with the alternative. People know themselves and their situations. I just know that I’m extremely blessed to have had all this time with just my husband and me.

But… I’m so so soooo excited to finally be working towards starting our little family! :)  I cannot wait to be pregnant and have a little baby that is a part of both of us. I’ve shaped my whole adult life around children and understanding them and their development and behaviors – my education and my career. And I’ve always had a burning desire to be a mommy and share a little one with my husband.

My child will have no idea how much I love him/her. Everything that I’m doing right now and have done up to this point has been so that I can try to secure them the best start in life they can have. I’m already completely in-love with this little person who doesn’t even exist yet. A little baby that I literally love before he/she is even conceived! How much stronger will that be once that baby is growing inside of me? Once I hear his/her heartbeat? Once I see his/her first ultrasound? Once I hold him/her for the first time?

It's a love that God has put in my heart and it's so precious. I pray His blessings will fall on us and protect us and guide us and that He will bless us with a healthy baby and a wonderful journey into parenthood.