Aftermath

Here's the gory details - men (and ladies) who'd prefer to not read too much information about the process should stop now. You've been warned. 

Let's start with laboring. Those laboring contractions were no joke. This whole thing definitely goes into worse physical pain I've endured. I hurt everywhere. My upper abdomen was contracting so tightly that it felt hard to breathe. My lower abdomen and pelvic area were cramping so bad that it seemed to radiate from to back, hip to hip, and even down my legs. It was the kind of discomfort that made me want to writhe around, but at the same time just not want to move at all for fear of making any of it worse. 

The epidural was tolerable, but I'm guessing only because of the contractions. Either way, I'll take it. The relief was, as mentioned before, amazing. They say laboring naturally for so long followed by your body being able to relax from an epidural can actually help speed things along. I was hesitant at first, but it makes sense. I mean, if you get your epidural too early it would probably slow your labor. But, my body was a tense, painful, mess up to that point. Getting the epidural help me relax some. And I did go real quick after it. 

Pushing out a baby. To say it was unpleasant would be an understatement. Seriously, even with the epidural. The amount of vaginal and pelvic pressure was relentlessly intense in that last hour or so. I could feel the tightening and stretching of skin too. And keep in mind, these were only mild/moderate sensations for me because of the epidural.

When his head had crowned it was so… uncomfortable. I wanted to push, but they didn't want me to. And when I was to that pushing stage they want slower, longer pushes. But, I just wanted to push. Also, pretty weird to see the tip of your baby's head hanging out down there.

Before his head was out, the doc asked for the good ole scissors. I felt the slip of pressure the was the episiotomy cut, but nothing more. 

Finally, his head was out and I had to wait for another contraction before pushing one final time to get him out. Once his shoulders were through, the pressure sensation lightened but I felt a new burning one. They say it was probably from the small tear that happened. 

I was immediately (and temporarily) distracted from any pain at that point, my entire attention being consumed from the small, precious baby placed on my chest. Even once they took him away from me and I was getting sewed up, I still didn't notice any pain at that time. True story. That little boy took everything away for a moment.

Now. The bleeding. Ah, yeah, all kinds of gross blood and mucus and who knows what all is pouring out of you after that. You think it'd be awkward for someone pouring water all over your goods and cleaning you off… but I was past the point of caring. Oh, and after you're cleaned up, you get this enormous pad placed over you, followed by an adult diaper of sorts, followed by some super attractive mesh, disposable panties.

Thanks, lochia. So much for the glorious 8 month period-free time. It comes back with a vengeance.

I had a brief time of numbness after initial cleanup. I was thankful for it because I got to visit with all my guests and show off my super adorable little man. 

A few hours later when everyone was gone it was time to brave a bathroom break. But, you're not suppose to get up without help. So I had to push my call button and two nurses came to help me. Two. My legs were fine. I could sit up and walk by myself. 

Now, when I did sit up there was some slight tenderness in my back at the epidural site. Nothing too bad. No, the real pain came once I was actually sitting up. My perineum area didn't take well to that. Ouch. 

Maneuvering to the edge of the bed was a torturous task.

Walking wasn't the most fun either. It seemed like every movement required the muscles from that area. In fact, over the next few days I found out how much those muscles are utilized in agonizing clarity. Coughing, sneezing, laughing, crying. It all seemed to make my vagina hurt. 

The bathroom was awkward. There were nurses changing out all the padding for me, and showing me how to best utilize my squirt bottle, - because trust me, there's no wiping for a while, it's squirt and dab - measuring how much I'd peed, and checking out my stitches. I had to do that one more time with nurses present before they'd let me go to the bathroom on my own. 

Once I had gone pee twice, I got to get my IV out. I've had a lot of IVs. I was in the hospital all the time as a young child with the lung stuff. I've been told my whole life I don't have good veins, that they roll and bounce, and they bust a lot too. I was stuck six times to get my IV for this hospital stay. With two veins busting. One was in my left wrist and it ended up hurting for days to twist and use that wrist. So, on top of all the major discomforts of having a baby, I had some of these smaller annoying ones. 

I finally got to shower and then sit in the amazing jet tub. They said soaking in a warm bath a few times a day would probably help the lower regions feel better, and help the dissolvable stitches heal and dissolve faster.

That first night was rough. My abdomen and uterus were still contracting due to breastfeeding. That's no joke, by the way. Even a few days after being home during breastfeeding I could feel a mild-like resemblance to labor contractions from my uterus. I felt like any kind of movement made me hurt somewhere. My body just felt super exhausted and lethargic.

How cruel that you undergo one of the most physically demanding things of your life and then are tasked with being a new mother - one of the most emotionally demanding things of your life.

The next morning it felt nice to shower again and get into real clothes. Even though I'd brought super comfy yoga pants, I was still uncomfortable most of the day. Better than my c-section peeps though. I mean, I could sit up and bend and walk around. It just wasn't fun.

Sitting up was actually a nightmare the first day or so - for me. I needed to be reclined at least a little. As mentioned earlier laughing, coughing, and sneezing were miserable. These discomforts didn't ease up for me until several days after birth. Here I am 2 weeks out and I think I'm about done needing my squirt bottle and I can laugh and cough and sneeze without pain now.

Breastfeeding was also pretty uncomfortable for me at first. I've always heard "if you do it right it shouldn't hurt." False. Having a baby feed from your nipples every 1 to 3 hours is a new and unfamiliar thing. They hurt. It was so much worse those first 4 days after birth when my milk hadn't come in yet so the baby was just eating Colostrum. 

Then, oh my goodness, when the milk did come in… boob pain galore. Mine got super engorged, super fast. I went up two cup sizes over night. Literally. 

I had some milk ducts start getting clogged, which ultimately lead to me getting Mastitis. Fantastic. My breast were so tender and sore and blotchy looking with knots in them and fever. It was terrible. 

Thankfully we discovered that real early and was able to treat it. Within a few days they were feeling better. The engorgement also only lasted about 48 hours. When my boobs deflated a bit, I went through the common concern that I'd lost my supply or something was wrong with it. But, it's all been fine. All about that supply and demand.

Now, again two weeks out now, my nipples are still adjusting. I'd definitely suggest Lanolin to rub on after every feeding for a while. It seemed to help a lot. So did warm compresses, even after the Mastitis started getting better. Warm compresses and massages, do it, it helps. 

Sometimes we still have some latch issues and it'll be painful and then uncomfortable for a few feedings after that. But, for the most part, we've got our breastfeeding technique under control and I've been able to get feedings spaced out to every 2 to 3 hours - thankfully. I have started using a nipple shield too, and that helped with our latch issues a lot - which in turn helped with the pain some too.

This is one emotional roller coaster I never knew I could even be on. I have cried over breast feeding issues, I cried over needing to use a nipple shield, I've cried because the baby is crying, I've cried because I'm tired, I've cried just talking about Cory going back to work, and I've cried a few times for unexplainable reasons… I didn't even feel like crying, but I did. It's not a sadness, I don't feel as though it's postpartum depression or anything like that. My hormones are just running wild and everything feels overwhelming. Seriously. The crazy pregnant woman stereotype should be so far drowned out by the postpartum one that it's never even mentioned. 

My baby isn't sleeping well at night right now either, but that was to be expected. Also, I've never liked it when people brag about their newborns sleeping through the night, because everything you read and everything the nurses and doctors tell you is that they are not suppose to yet. Some new research even suggests that the only reason newborns will sleep for long periods like that is because they seriously lack the energy to wake up efficiently. They are suppose to eat every 1 to 3 hours at this age, they need to. So, I set timers on my phone. If he doesn't wake me up beforehand, a 3 hour timer goes off after his last feeding. He usually does wake up before the timer though - ha. Another thing about breast milk is that it's much more easily digestible to your infant. So they do eat a little more frequently than formula fed babies, because formula is harder for them to digest.

However, it does make for dark circles under the eyes and a pale-faced new mom. 

I've decided we have super powers though. I mean, I'm running on anywhere from 3-6 hours of sleep a day right now and I'm still functioning. I'm still doing my normal things. I couldn't have done that before. We even get made fun of about our sleep and early bedtimes. I don't care. You do you, I'll do me. And I'm going to bed at 8:30pm. lol 

Sleep training is starting at 4-ish weeks. But, right now we're working on forming those secure attachments!

Also, how about the weirdness of your skin, huh? My total weight gain for the pregnancy was 23 pounds, the day after birth I was down 13 pounds. By the end of that week I was down 5 more pounds. Right now, I'm about 3 pounds away from my pre-baby weight. Thank you breastfeeding! However, I'm not about down to my pre-baby size. It's unfair how that works, huh?. The skin is... well... kind of gross. I mean, it's been all stretched out to accommodate a human being growing in there. So, while my uterus might be back down to its normal size. My skin has not yet cooperated.

So, if I had to assign a theme to the first two weeks of parenthood it'd definitely be: Survival.