Dear Five Year Old

Nolan,

Ya know 'they' say that five is a milestone birthday. You're half a decade old now. It's strange how that seems old and young at the same time. Because, how can you be that old? And how are you only that old? I think it's because of that thing parents say, some version of: I can't remember life before you.

You're a mere five years old and you amaze me. You're just such a little... person. You are your own person, yet you're still mine too. You're so independent, yet you still need me. Though, sometimes it's brutal how hard the reminder hits me that you won't always need me. Of course you'll always need your mama, but you know what I mean. You're growing fast and I'm afraid that the next time I blink you'll morph into a teenager or being old enough to drive or leaving for college.

You'll start kindergarten this year. It's strange how sad that makes me. I have loved every single moment at home with you and now those moments are becoming fewer. You'll rock kindergarten though. hile I don't want to wish any of our time away, sometimes I find myself wondering what you'll be like as an older child or as a teenager. Because the absolute truth is that you have been an amazing toddler and preschooler. Trust me. I subbed at your school for 5 weeks, you've got yourself together more than most your age.

[written 2/19/18]