That precious tiny, black, circle is my baby! How amazing!
I'd been so nervous about this appointment, praying that my baby was safely implanted into my uterus. I'd been looking on the internet for what to expect for a 5 week ultrasound. Most of what I found said that most of the time they can't see anything at all - not even the sac. However, that if they did find it, it would appear to be a tiny black circle.
Actually at this point they won't even call it a baby yet, because they can't even see the embryo inside of the sac.
It was a transvaginal ultrasound, talk about weird, guess I better get use to that though. I say that, because the concept of a transvaginal ultrasound is awkard, but actually it wasn't that weird.
The hubs was with me the whole time, I thought this might make it more awkward (I don't know why), but it didn't. Plus, he needs a taste of awkward. I've got a whole lot to expose him to in the next 8 months if I expect him to be conscious for the delivery of our baby!
Anyway, so, in goes the probe. I'd been thoroughly prepped on the fact that there wouldn't be much - if anything - to see.
As soon as that happened, I was eagerly searching the screen in front of for the tiny black circle that would be the precious ball of cells growing inside of me - and thus thoroughly distracted from the procedure itself.
For the first bit there was nothing. I got nervous. She checked out the left side of my uterus and ovary and things looked okay.
Then… then… there it was! A small glimpse of a black circle! It disappeared quickly and she had to adjust the probe a few more times before we saw it again. She held it for a bit while she clicked away on her keyboard, while I stared in wonder at how this little, tiny speck was my baby. So small that they won't even label it as baby yet.
I asked her if she'd print it for me. I think she thought that was odd. She said, "Well you can't really see anything yet."
I responded, "Yeah, but can I still just have it?"
Lol.
She printed it for me.
Onward she moved, taking my precious ball out of view, to my right ovary. That's when she found what is believed to be the reason for my pain. A large ruptured cyst.
They said that the egg had come from my right ovary and must've ruptured this cyst in the process.
There's not really anything they can do for the cysts now seeing as that I'm pregnant.
She let me get dressed and took the images to the doc. He came in only moments later. He looked too serious and suddenly my small amount of ease was erased.
He said that they could rule out ectopic pregnancy at this point. However, there could still be other things. There could still be implantation issues, or it could be an 'empty sac.' Which would amount to a miscarriage or chemical pregnancy.
However, my HCG levels were normal when they tested them, so he told us to try and relax and that he was just proceeding with caution.
They redid my blood work that day and he hopes that my HCG levels have increased appropriately ruling out some of those previously mentioned issues.
He's also going to see me next week, which is earlier than his normal patience. This doesn't help with the easing of my nerves. Also, they're doing another ultrasound in two weeks to 'make sure.'
So, as you can see, there were lots of things said that still make me anxious. However, he said many times that he's just being thorough. Though, the fact that he has to be so 'thorough' right now is worrisome in itself.
Even after all of this, I still have barely grasped that I'm actually pregnant. There are several moments a day that it hits me for real and I marvel at this blessing. Then the rest of the day is just normal. I've definitely overused this word… but it is surreal!
Ugh.
I'm very hopeful things are good though! Again, it's all up to the big guy anyway. His plan for my life is much better than my plan for my life. But, oh how easy it is to forget that sometimes, huh?
Lord, thank You for this miracle that we call life. Thank You for this tiny little ball growing inside of me and continue to guide our process. Breathe strength and health into my baby. Give us peace.
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